Birthday Card

I was on my last warning from
Mrs Example,
Clean up my act stop being an asshole,
Didnt help my debacle,
Id just woken up from an all day, all night, filthy ( barkle),
Something quite (bait) about todays date,
Id was hard to locate
Id drunk too much
Pernod, Took another swipe with my
Mach 3 Turbo,
Then it hit me like a raging inferno.
I dont believe it
I, Forgot her bloody birthday card,
She wont be a happy gal,
Forgot her bloody birthday card,
Shes gonna scream and yell,
Forgot her bloody birthday card,
Shell leave me man, she might as well,
Forgot her bloody birthday card.
I try to keep things relative,
Never give [?] to myself if
I can, But
I can only think negative,
Used to tell her shit like
Id lost my pen,
Now theres a chance
Ill never see her face again,
So I walk a fine line, but its not the end,
See I bought her a voucher for
H and M, She can get a new skirt and shell look the part,
And if it dont work pour out my heart,
Look, yeah,
Im going to be completely honest with you,
You know I love you, you know
I respect you,
At the end of the day, a birthday card,
Its just a piece of paper isnt it?
In an envelope.
Yeah I know a voucher is a piece of paper too,
Yeah, but you can get a skirt with that,
Well you can get shoes then.
Wait, nah thats bullshit,
I cant do that,
Cant sound like a wanker, (a girly chat),
So I gotta make a dash for the petrol station,
Cause their cards are perfect for any occasion,
I drop my razor and splash my (boat) ,
I grab some tracky-ds and a random coat,
Then Im on it with a wallet,
And I hit the pavement,
Im running down the street with my face half shaven,
Im getting stronger and stronger my legs are burning,
Theres still hope yet just a couple of turn-ins,
See the longer
I wander the more
I scream,
She gets here at 10 and its quarter to.
I dont believe it
I, Forgot her bloody birthday card,
She wont be a happy gal,
Forgot her bloody birthday card,
Shes gonna scream and yell,
Forgot her bloody birthday card,
Shell leave me man, she might as well,
Forgot her bloody birthday card.
I get to the garage,
Panic scanning the rack, 99 percent of the range is all crap,
Happy Birthday
Dad, Worlds
Best Mother,
I Love You
Sister, Youre a
Special Brother,
No other bloody card with a cover for a lover,
Plus Im getting kinda stressed as
I search for another,
But this one struck me,
Its pink and funky,
With a cartoon print of a drunken monkey.
Theres a chance
Ill make it
Im nearly done,
I hand him the coins and its time to run,
Now its 5 minutes too and
Im nearly home,
I feel a vibration and check my phone.
The message reads, 'Honey, Ill be there shortly', 'I just got off the bus and Ive started walking',
So like Kelly
Holmes I sprint the home straight,
I rip my tracky-ds as
I hurdle the gate ,
I crash through the door,
I fall up the stairs,
Looking like
Ive been in intensive care,
The Biros fucked, the pencils broken,
I grab a Magic
Marker and write a token,
Of my appreciation for her,
And the things that make her so per-fect,
Shit, theres the bell,
I seal the envelope it should all be swell,
Look, here she is, my
Kiera Knightly,
She gives me a kiss and
I hug her tightly,
She asks why
Ive only shaved half my face,
And sweating like
Ive just come first in some race,
I got up extra early,
To exercise and stretch my thighs,
So I could see my special girly ,
She looks in my eyes and sees my lies,
With a dubious face she accepts the card,
She reads it, drops it and slaps me hard,
I open it up and prepare for doom,
The text in the card reads
Get Well Soon.
I dont believe it
I, Forgot her bloody birthday card,
She wont be a happy gal,
Forgot her bloody birthday card,
Shes gonna scream and yell,
Forgot her bloody birthday card,
Shell leave me man, she might as well,
Forgot her bloody birthday card.
Ok, I admit, yeah,
I messed up big time,
But have I got a surprise for you?
Yep, nah man, wait for it,
I booked us a table,
At Nandos,
No ser... where you going?,
Serious, where you going?,
Its only a card!